Boost the economy: tax the thin, not the fat

Today I advocate a policy to kickstart a new consumer, and consumption, revolution. Together we can create a permanent boost in economic growth!
The policy, friends, is this: tax thin people. Tax them to the bony hilt.
Our opponents want to tackle the so-called ‘obesity problem’. But their anti obesity policies are the problem. They’re a threat to each and every one of us! If they succeed, they’ll shrink the economy as well as our bodies.
More, not less, consumption drives our economy. Are we not all citizens in a growth-dependent capitalism?
I put it to you that the thin, not the fat, that are the real drain on our economy.
Thin people consume less food.
They need fewer lifestyle support accoutrements.
They need fewer medical services.
Their clothes use less fabric and wear out less quickly.
Thin people basically slow down the economy, create less demand, and pay less tax.
Indeed by comparison, glorious obesity is usually achieved by strong, even heroic levels of consumption.
Less food eaten sure sounds like recipe for a drop in economic output to me.
What legacy will we leave for our children?
They say two thirds of our society is overweight and that the contributing factors should be taxed. Why? To reduce consumption! They want, in other words, to reduce our economic prosperity!
They say they want to reduce obesity by a couple of per cent. I say that’s a couple of per cent they will strangle straight out of the tills of our hardworking businesses, of our farmers and doctors, out of our economy!
What then for the leveraged finance backing the stocks of the companies bought with, er, leveraged finance backing other stocks bought with… er… yet more leveraged finance backing yet other stocks in companies that make the things for which demand has just fallen by a per cent or two?
Tax the thin, and help me kickstart a new consumer, and consumption, revolution. More economic growth forever!
There are literally no drawbacks with my plan for anyone anywhere whatsoever!

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